Wednesday, May 30, 2007

RE: Comments RE: OMG! Post

Thank you Stephen! I appreciate the support. And you're right, again. :-)

Yes, I have seen multiple sclerosis sucks. The subtitle cracks me up! Talk about having a sense of humor.

I have to admit, of all the things that have made me deal with this disease better it's been the fact that I am not alone and that I can share with all of you and you know what I'm going through. I just really hope that I am helping you as well, because you all being there means so much to me.

Thank you again to LyGuy for the chuckle on his suggestion. Ninjas are super stealthy. LOL!!

So that brings me back to Yoga. Remember how I've said before the best part of Yoga has been the cool down parts where you're just relaxing? I think I'll start Yoga up again, but stick to the relaxation parts.

One last note... My Daughter has been trying today, but also a total Fashionista and being like a little mother hen. It makes it very difficult to be mad at her when she's all that. And my son was dancing with the dancers on "So you think you can dance?" tonight. He cracked me up, he was trying to do all the hip hop moves and all. LOL!! This little tiny person has quiet the personality. And then he walked over to me to get up on my lap and said, "That sucks!" I said, "What did you say?" and he said, "That sucks." I have no idea what he was saying sucks, but this little voice from this little person... just classic. :-)

Have a great night all!

Monday, May 28, 2007


I believe I am at wit's end. This f'ing disease, my family and their assumptions about what makes me "worse", my family and their assumptions about everything. And though I REALLY and TRULY do love them, I think I've reached my patience level with my kids.

My children scream EVERYDAY, nearly ALL day.
As I type this my daughter, the 6 1/2 year old, is throwing a tantrum and kicking her legs on the floor. My 2 1/2 year old son, is constantly screaming and telling me no. And if I say something he doesn't like he calls me a "Meanie." Sometimes I want to just run away. I told my husband that I was going to see Pirates again today and he said, "Who's watching the kids?" So, no, I didn't go see the movie again.

It's pretty amazing when you think about it... these kids are actually brilliant. My daughter is going into the Gifted program at school and my son, as the parent educator said, has a 5 year old's vocabulary. So it's natural I guess for them to act their worse to test my patience.

Now, the screaming has stopped so I feel okay again. But seriously, the screaming gets to be so much that I cannot take it. I feel more stressed with the loudness of it then anything else that makes me stressed.

And their screaming has gotten worse lately, so I wonder if I've gotten more "yelly". I probably have. This morning we met my folks for breakfast and my mother started saying how she hates my job because I'm so stressed by it. WHAT? I love my job and I love spending the time to do it.
I also love the fact that I work and can still work. GOD, why wouldn't I work as much as I can now. It's like I am proving something to myself that I can do this. Plus I love what I'm doing and I really think I'm good at it.

But instead of support I get grief. Then my mother said, "Well, I raised three of you and when my oldest was 6, my youngest was 2." So I made the mistake of saying, "But you didn't do it with a full time job." And she got all mad saying that it was a full time job. Yes, raising kids is a full time job... but then go out and work another full time job too. And have MS. I guess I get sick of feeling like I have to justify why things stress me out.

This is a very lonely disease. My family doesn't really read so much up on it, my husband barely knows crap about it. I think my daughter understands it more. And yes, again last night she was on her, "I hate MS" kick and saying she hopes she never has to take shots. I feel more empathy from her than any other member of my family.

I did find a site today that is really terrific in the explanations of MS and what it feels like... That link is about what it feel like to have the symptoms we have. Right on... except I didn't see anything about the weird stabbing pains throughout the body that I refer to as my "Voo-Doo Doll" pains.
Then this one is about the invisible part of MS:

This line wigs me out: "If you can't keep up with the thread of conversation at a big meeting, it's not because you're not interested or can't understand." Because this happens to me so much and I have to ask people to repeat what they say and I just KNOW that they think I'm not paying attention. F'ing MS!!!

So the new stuff with me... same voodoo doll pains. And for the past week I've had pains in my abdomen. Since it was moving towards my right side, I wasn't sure if it could be appendix or not. So I went to my doc (regular doc) who thinks it's my IBS... Yes, I've had it since I was 17 and just learned to deal with it. So I haven't even taken medicine for in in like 15 years. He put me on something that isn't working, so I don't think that's it. In my WebMD exploration of what it could be... because on a Sunday night when you have a holiday the next day and you're in pain, it's fun to read up on what it could be. But I came across, "MS" HA!! I mean, as soon as I saw that I thought, you f'ing piece of crap disease!!! Can't I just have something curable for once!!!
Ok, that was total pity party. But come on!!

I think I've also been more depressed and we all know the cause of that... piece of crap disease. I guess this is the time to "embrace it" - not. But I will rejoice in the fact that I can still walk and type and move and see and hear, even when it is hearing screaming kids.

My son is now throwing a baseball in the house. I think they are spoiled. How it happened, I'll never know, besides the fact that every trip to the store results in them getting something new. But other than that...

I hope you're all well. I also hope this helps you even when I'm complaining. I know, I've done that a lot lately. Please take care!