Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Pain, Pain Go Away, Don't come again another day

I woke up this morning and my right arm was burning again - it was late too, I had to get online and start work. So I hurried up and jumped in the tub, hoping, out of desperation, for a hot bath to make the pain in my arm subside. Instead the water was cold :( And the more I ran it the colder it got, even after doing the 5 minute wait. Thinking that maybe the hot water heater just wasn't "ready".

Then I was reminded of an appointment my son had, so I had to hurry and wash in cold water. It didn't have an effect either way on the numbness in the hand - it was still there and still painful.

I had a conference call today with a client and as soon as I was off the call my daughter made me test my Brain Age on her new DS game. My Brain Age is 80. Nice. I had to shout the color the word was in, not the color the word spelled. It took me a while to get that or I should say for my brain to get that. But even still - I thought I did well - except for the lagging times. :$ Then there was the math... as if - I suck at it already. I remember when I first was diagnosed with MS I went to have my cognition tested and felt rather clever - at the time the doctor said I did better than most people my age who don't have MS. That was 7 years ago. And truly - I was bad at math before - but I seem to have gotten worse. So here's this computer guy telling me I'm old in my brain. Yeah - nice. Like I needed that. Of course then I had to read from Occurrence at... is it Old Creek Bridge... hells bells, I forgot it already. But I do remember the book - or is it a short story? I even remember the movie of it... I think... from Jr. High maybe?

Nice brain - huh?
So my next torture will be on Friday when I do my Wii Fit Plus - can't wait for that lovely stick figure to balloon into a ball when it measure's my BMI. And then the Wii Fit will tell my my health age is 55 or something like that. Or the one I like the best is when it says I'm not steady when I balance. LOL!! And I spend the entire exercise telling it I have MS - like it can hear me.

But for right now - I am again hoping for a good night's sleep without the pain in my arm. The numb area on the foot is still there. But I have only taken one Neurontin.

Well - here's to a good night's sleep!
Take care all!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

I didn't win on Ellen

I woke up in pain again, with the burning in my right arm again and the numbness extending from the circle area on my foot to the side of my leg and thought how I wish I had won on Ellen! Two days of her 12 days of giveaways she had those nice beds as a prize. The Sleep Number and the memory foam one -I don't remember the name. I so wish I had one now. Of course, there is the thought that it wouldn't make much of a difference.

So here I am another night, exhausted and really wanting to sleep, but just afraid to go to bed. I don't want to get up there and not be able to get comfortable again or worse - have the pain again. It's just really awful!

I had a glass of wine earlier. I also bought chocolate today and ate too much. The last hurrah before the new year diet that lasts a week... I'm thinking about having another glass. It was good - a nice Reisling from Barefoot. Strange name for a wine? Not really since that's how the grapes used to be crushed. :D

This spot on my foot is just plain weird. Again, I don't notice it unless I touch it. Or when my foot slides down in the sheets of my bed and it just feels so weird. I think I can best describe it as being similar to the electric shock feeling from L'hermites sign. A much smaller scale... but that's pretty much what it feels like when your foot falls asleep and is coming "back to life" so to speak.

Now I'm also getting the numbness in the middle of my back - in a place where you wouldn't normally have numbness. I was hoping this little "glitch" was from my period starting - but what the heck!!

So when do we truly know it's from MS and not from something else? It's really hard to figure out, especially when I talk to family and they say, "Oh, I get that sometimes" - YIKES!!

Yeah - I don't think so...

Today is definitely a voodoo doll day and someone's got my name on the doll with lots of pins in it! I'm really delaying going to bed... now I'm just rambling and looking at Daisy (the beagle) who just is staring back. She's a dog with a lot on her mind. :D I can tell by all the sighs. It's like she's always disappointed. LOL!! I need to go to bed now!!

Norma Lee - enjoy your time with your son! 21 months - what a great age!!
Ashley - enjoy being a kid! :)

I went out with my little one's today on separate errands - and played Hand and Foot with my step-daughter too. I love them all, even my step-daughter's teenage angst. More than anything, I love being able to truly say - it will pass! Just as I keep saying to myself about these pains. They'll pass. But I still would like a more comfortable bed! :D

Nite all!! Sweet dreams!

Monday, December 28, 2009

That Numby Feeling

I hope you've all had a wonderful Holiday so far! Christmas was good with the kids, my folks and my step-kids. It's been a very busy week and I'm so tired.

Throughout the last 5 days I've had an area on my right foot that has been numb. It hurts when I touch it. Other than that, I don't notice it, because it's not on my toes or heel - its just on the right top side of my foot and goes down a little on the side- just a little. I can't tell if it's going under the foot, because I can't feel it.

I've never had that before. Usually the numbness goes to the toes and fingers too.
I've also had the numbness down my right arm, only with wretched pain. I keep thinking something is pinched in my back. So I haven't tried neurontin yet.

My baby girl is sitting next to me right now as I write this post. She's asking me what the word Neurontin is. I told her. I'm glad she's old enough now to begin asking more questions. I love you baby girl!!

The look on her face when she opened her DS was just the best feeling in the world. I felt like I was going to cry and thought she would too. She was so happy and I was so happy to get that for her. It made my Christmas.

So did the many compliments to my 4th Boeuf Bourguignon! I did the Julia Childs one again and this time really did the whole thing - the pearl onions and mushrooms and all! It was delicious! Tres Bien! :)

Anyway, I am kind of scared to go to bed because it's been painful. Not just muscle - but the numb arm and pains in my legs. I wish I could have a really nice peaceful sleep. Now that would be delicious!

I hope you all have a wonderful New Year!! Be Safe and here's to a WAY better 2010!!
Happy New Year,

Monday, December 07, 2009

I got "hugged" today

At least I think I did. And I'm starting to think I get partially "hugged" a lot. That numbness in the middle of my back that feels really tight, I think that may have been an MS "Hug".
But today I felt it big time. It felt like it started in the back and went all the way to the front, but the pain in the back was worse. It wasn't just tightness it was also pain.

So that's how things have been lately with the good 'ol MS. I had a good scan in the summer, but my body doesn't read those scans so doesn't really care when the doc says everything looks good. My immune system says, "Ha-ha!! I'll see about that!" Then I get a cold or my period and Voila! Slam right in the right arm with numbness every day, pretty much. I can't hold a fork sometime the numbness is so bad. I've had the pain down the left leg for over a month. Since it doesn't seem to be as bad so far this week, I'm hoping that ones going away. But the hug, well, it was a couple of hours ago and I've been too busy to look it up. Isn't that funny?

It feels tight still - but not like it did when it happened. When it happened I remembered hearing Montel Williams talk about it and I remember thinking at the time, I've never had that thank God! Well, I think I knew right away what it was. So I looked it up. What I found said that it can be in one side or the other or both. So I'm thinking, some of those other numb back feeling are partial hugs! Awwww - I love hugs!! But I'll skip these if I may! :D

We're so close to Christmas and I can't wait and my kids are absolute terrors and I know its because they're spoiled rotten and they just KNOW they'll get all that they ask for :( I'm a horrible mom! I just want them to appreciate it and have fun and think it's special. They've heard enough fighting around here.

Poor Kate had to help me get up the other day and my Will came to help too. Needless to say they have a lot to deal with for 9 and 5 year olds. :( So I want this Christmas to be really happy for them.

I know I didn't stay with the affirmations. It's hard to come up with positives when you're deep in the negative. But I'm trying again.
So how 'bout this one - "I am a loving, huggable woman and loving mom who is looking forward to a happy Christmas". Like that huggable part! Heck I even hug myself. LOL!! That's just not really funny - but it is!

I hope you're all well. Please take care! If I don't write back before the holiday, please have a wonderful safe, happy and healthy Holiday and NEW YEAR!!