Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Looking Forward on my own - or with a changed support system

After ten years - not all happy, my husband and I are going to divorce. It's ok. We still get along - for our kids, for my step-kids.
He's a good person, just not a care-taker. I'm a good person, just not used to having to need someone to take care of me. And I KNOW I've been really more bitter since I was diagnosed with MS. But the support wasn't always there, which led us to this point.

We've moved on in the last year - but until a few weeks ago he still lived with us. Now we're doing the visitations with the kids and separating everything to prepare for a divorce. It's just harder than I thought. With the lingering issues from my relapse that began in January, it's been a battle keeping up with everything by myself. But I'm managing.
This week I actually let the laundry pile up and let the house get messy - mostly from the pollen dust that is coming through the windows because we've had gorgeous weather. So really, I can't complain.

Having MS is hard. You need to have people around you who, even if they can't really understand what you're going through, at least empathize with what you're going through. Who, when you say you're fatigued, don't say that they are fatigued too... because it's so different from being tired. Who, when you tell them, it feels like my foot is twisting into a pretzel, or it feels like my toenails are pulling off my toes, they say, like my wonderful neurologist said, "that's just what it feels like, it's really NOT happening". :)

You need to have people around you who are encouraging, who read about what's going on with MS patients, who encourage you to talk and who really want to listen.

My family is great! My parents are so wonderful, my kids and step-kids are awesome and my friends are so wonderful, particularly my best friend!!

My Neurologist said once that there are a lot of people with MS who find out after their diagnosis how their partner isn't a care-taker. It's sad to think that we have to expect our spouse or partner to be a care-taker - but that's what true love is... you just do it! If you can't... it's not meant to be. But I wouldn't trade the marriage I've had for the world because I have the greatest love in the world for my children - the step-children included. My life would be so sad without them and I love them so much. For them, I am forever grateful for what I've had with my husband and for all the good memories, there are no regrets at all. I don't even regret that it's ending. I'll only regret if we stop getting along and can't continue to be friends.

I hope you're all well!!
Take care!