Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Depression (plus fatigue) Update

Fatigue is my daily struggle. The longer I work the more I'm fatigued. My son is heavier, so just picking him up tires me out.

For the depression I decided to try exercise, again. Funny thing about that is... I'm too tired to do it. I have been too tired the past two days. I keep thinking that laying down and crying would be easier than the exercise. It works for my kids! When they're upset they kick and scream and it works for them. Why can't I?

Because I need to show a brave face. That's why I hate this depression. I don't feel brave right now. I also feel horrible that I can't make it funny right now. I used to say, there is humor to my story of MS, but not right now there isn't. I wouldn't mind having that back right now.

I need a vacation. Maybe it's the culmination of what's gone on in the past several months. I mean, I was laid off on April 1 from a company I worked for nearly 10 years (11 if you count temp time), then I got a new job, and that's been an adjustment, believe me! Then my kids, my husband's surgery, and his icky ex wife. I guess if you look at all of that, there's some hurdles in there. But I've survived so far and I'm sure I will survive this. Gloria Gaynor, sing it for me baby!

I am looking forward still though. I've got that new neurologist that I see in November. I just CANNOT wait! I mean, maybe she'll explain the more frequent headaches, the pulled muscles. Is that a symptom? I mean I've been getting them an awful lot lately. Anyway, I have things to look forward to and the fall is my most favorite time of year. My daughter loves it and I'm looking forward to the holidays too. It will be better. But man, I guess I should get on something before we get to the winter blues! UGH!! To quote Rosanna Rosana Dana, "If it's not one thing it's another!"


mdmhvonpa said...

It's a catch-22, isnt it? To tired to exercise ... but no activity lowers your stamina ... etc. Do you think a day at a spa might do you good? Could you get someone to look after the little ones?

Eriksgirl said...


I am so sorry you are having the depression and fatigue. I think the fatigue is one of the most awful of all the MS symptoms followed closely by depression.

I wish I had some great advice for you, but your attitude sounds really good, and maybe you can get away for a while to get recharged. Like mdmhvonpa said, it's a catch 22.

I will say a prayer for ya!


Anonymous said...

I also had the same problem with fatigue, but my dr put me on Provigil, and it SAVED MY LIFE! Besides all the other stuff the MS brings, I am finally not taken out by Fatigue, and the Provigil doesn't make me jittery, or feel like I am "on" anything. It just makes me able to get out bed, and nto feel like I have 25 lb bags of potato sacks attached to everything sticks off my body! Ask about it, it helped me. Hope you are better soon, I am in the middle of a HUGE relapse myself, starting on Novantrone (Chemo) in a couple weeks. This sucks, but thanks for allow a place to vent and share ;-)

Michelle said...

Crying is so bittersweet sometimes. If you start, it just flows. It's good to just let it go. Trust me. We've all been there. I feel like bloggers are sometimes the best friends I have :o)

pamela said...

Pamela, I hope you start feeling better sounds like you need to go out to dinner and maybe a movie with hubby. I am taking EffexorXR for my depression.. I told the doctor I wasn't depressed until he told me I had MS.But seriously I was very depressed,now I'm just trying to get through this bad relaspe. I wish I could go walk 3 miles again daily like I used to, maybe I will . My name is also Pamela.Hang in there my friend.

Anonymous said...

Dear Pamela, This is the first time I am writing. My sister showed me this blog. I suffer from a few cognitive issues but no mobility problems. Ofcourse the depression and fatigue can always be there. I trust my Lord and Savior for everything and choose to be proactive about MS. It is nice to share with others but complaining DOES NOT help!! I will pray for you too.