Well, it's finally hit. I've reached that "depression" part, or at least I'm giving into it.
So much has hit all at once that I guess it was inevitable.
Personally, my 5 year old daughter has become more and more of a challenge, very strong-willed but to the point of tantrums constantly. I think, God, why? I'm so tired I can't deal with this!
Then even my 15 month old son throws tantrums. But his are funny, for now. I just hope his continue to stop quickly. All you have to do is chuckle and then he'll stop and chuckle too.
My husband's ex has made our life miserable, but at least his kids respect us more than they do their mother. That's always a plus, especially when I'm already too tired to deal.
Work is so stressful and my son has been sick constantly! So I've had to work from home, which has caused me to work longer hours. And my boss isn't happy about it. I've only been there since June and I've already used up most of my vacation/sick. I just keep pushing through the fatigue. And ignoring all the weird things going on.
And then I cry. I cry because it seems like there is NO TIME to do anything. Like something is happening and I can't control it. Then I have no time with my daughter, we end up battling instead.
And the shots! I'm nearing a year of these lovely things and suddenly it's harder for me to push the button on the Autoject now then it was when I started. I don't know. Maybe that part is all in my head that it's scaring me now then before.
I'm also anxious to see this new neurologist. I can't wait and I still have till November 22 for my appointment. Which I made in April. I hope she's that good, as everyone tells me.
I am disappointed in myself! I just can't believe I'm actually letting this get to me and I swore it wouldn't. I told myself not reading too much about MS would help me to move away from it. Maybe that wasn't a good choice.
My daughter actually told me yesterday that she was afraid she'd have to take shots everyday when she gets older, like I do. I don't know how to make her feel safe. I just know I don't want her to get MS. I worry when my son gets too hot that he's going to have a relapse. He's only 15 months and doesn't have MS, why do I think that way. I try to keep my daughter from getting over heated. I get paranoid when she says, "My heart is racing." Not that racing heart is a symptom of MS, but that she might be sick with something else. Oh my goodness, I can't even explain that feeling of hopelessness, not knowing how long I can be there for my kids. See, that's the depression. All this doom and gloom.
I'm sorry, this isn't the most positive blog. But hey, I'm still hanging in there.
Take care, all. Keep smiling. Don't let it get you. I know I'll come out of this too. Just a culmination of so much at the same time, I'm sure.